Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Standing on the Eve of New Hampshire

So the first real primary starts today, unlike Iowa (which for Republicans is like tossing names in a hat and which for Democrats is like Roberts Rules on acid), and it's time to make a total ass of myself and handicap the candidates.

Democrats
Obama: Short on experience, good organizer, smart and sparkling with charisma. Winner.
Clinton: Long on experience and smart, but charisma of a sewer commissioner. Loser.
Edwards: Medium experience, smart, some charisma but ultimately lightweight. Loser.
Richardson: Long on experience, short on name recognition, so little charisma that I can barely remember what he looks like. Loser.
Kucinich: Can't even spell the crazy bastard's name. Loser.

Republicans
McCain: Long on experience and older than grandpa. Loser.
Romney: Artificial intelligence. Loser.
Guiliani: The more you know him, the less you like him. Loser.
Huckabee: Medium domestic experience, foreign policy moron, high on charisma, but completely crazy and believes in Adam and Eve. Loser.
Thompson: Needs frequent naps. Loser.
Ron Paul: Utterly bugfuck. Loser.

And there you have it. If I left anyone out, it means I couldn't remember them. In other words: loser.

5 comments:

Justina said...

Obama Baracks my world.

Harold Phillips said...

By the way, Best McCain photo.... EVER!!

Steve Patterson said...

Having thought about this, I'm going to go ahead and crawl all the way out to the tippy-tip of the limb and stay with this. For the Democrats, it's all probably going to come down to California, where a number of elections have been made or lost.

Either way, Clinton or Obama make strong candidates. In comparison with the alternatives. I just think I, like many, am weary of the Bill and Hill Variety Hour: I never want to hear the goddamn words "blue dress" ever again.

Anonymous said...

I'm going out on the limb with you, and maybe going a bit farther. I'm predicting a Clinton/Obama ticket. CAW

Steve Patterson said...

Your prediction makes political sense in many ways, would work well for both candidates, and would be a really strong ticket...but I'm getting the feeling a stadium would be too small a room for those two. Could be wrong, though.